I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
