We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
