No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize