Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
