Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
