I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
