you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
