I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My feet surprised me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
