I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
