Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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