You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
