I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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