i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
