i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
