omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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