I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
