im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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