All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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