Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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