Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
