easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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