Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
