She is in my trunk
I want to make a zoo with you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
