I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
