I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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