You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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