I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
