Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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