Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
