It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
