Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
