so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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