Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
