He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
