She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
