Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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