Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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