just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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