My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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