He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
