I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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