It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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