the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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