So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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