some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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