There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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