dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
