I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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