You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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