I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
