Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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