I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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