I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's never too late to be topless.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
