Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
