I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
