Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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