Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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