I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
