i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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