She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
