I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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