i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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