I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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