I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
