theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
