Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
