The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
